Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Trophy Wife Tuesday

Prior to my separation from the working world I often joked that my goal in life was to be a Trophy Wife. The thought of sleeping until I just wake up, and enjoying pastry and gourmet coffee for breakfast prior to a visit to the club for tennis would be wonderful. Doesn’t spending the afternoon at a philanthropic luncheon with a shimmering martini in one hand and too many diamonds on the other sounds amazingly decadent? Wrap up the day with a quiet dinner with the children before they pleasantly slip off to bed and then have a respite with the worshiping husband and fall into sweet dream filled sleep in a huge, fluffy king sized bed.

The life of the trophy wife appears, to many, to be made up of Cinderella stories and all day luxury and pampering. Although the common stereotype is a compulsive shopper with little, if any, brain in her head, the reality is that most men who acquire a trophy wife have specific educational and social skill requirements. She must be able to hold her own at fund raisers and dinner parties as well as have a little ambition of her own. The negative, bimbo typecast typically rises out of rare, often publicized May December relationships.

I have been thinking deeply about the Trophy Wife. I have determined it is actually a worthy goal to strive for, but not either of the common descriptions we have.

Merriam-Webster’s definition of trophy:

1: something gained or given in victory or conquest especially when preserved or mounted as a memorial

2 a: a memorial of an ancient Greek or Roman victory raised on the field of battle or on the nearest land for a naval victory b: a representation of such a memorial (as on a medal); also: an architectural ornament representing a group of military weapons

3: a game animal or fish suitable for mounting as a trophy —usually used attributively

4: one that is prized for qualities that enhance prestige or social status —usually used attributively ,a trophy wife, a trophy house

As for me I would prefer not to be mounted and hung on the wall, but there are some redeeming characteristics of a trophy. I would like to be determined to be a prize worth having, then fought for and gained in victory. Think about all the blood, sweat and tears hockey players endure in conquest of the Stanley Cup or football players to win the Super Bowl; how awesome would it be to be so desired by my husband that such effort would be put forth to win my hand or, better yet, gain my heart? I ache to be prized for qualities I possess, although there are days I feel I have few which are praiseworthy. To have my husband consider me an enhancement to him, that my qualities increase his significance in the world, I think is truly a lofty goal.

As I contemplate this goal I turn to the Bible to see what it has to say. God only made it to the second chapter of Genesis before deciding man shouldn’t be alone and created him a suitable helpmate. And a very few verses later God calls the man to leave his mother and father and unite as one flesh with his wife. I would hope the man would find characteristics in this wife worthy of becoming one flesh with, a prize or trophy, so to speak. Although there are many mentions of the role of a wife, as well as many poor examples, there are a few I find closely related to the issue of trophy wife.

Proverbs 12:4 a worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer in his bones.

Proverbs 18:22 the man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.

Proverbs 31:10-31 A Wife of Noble Character

10Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.
11 Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.
12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

13 She finds wool and flax and busily spins it.
14 She is like a merchant’s ship, bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.

16 She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She is energetic and strong, a hard worker.
18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night.

19 Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber.
20 She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy.
21 She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes.

22 She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
23 Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders.
24 She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.
26 When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.
27 She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.

28 Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her:
29 “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
31 Reward her for all she has done Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

A worthy wife is a CROWN, a man who finds a wife finds treasure, more precious than rubies? These verses stir a desire in me to be my husband’s crown, his treasure, and more valuable to him than gemstones.

This desire, to be my Hero’s trophy, is part of my growth. I am certain women today are not given the skills to be this wife described so beautifully in the Bible, and I know I am sorely lacking in many areas. Although I know God loves me just the way I am, He also knows I need to grow into the woman He designed me to be. Each week I am going to select a specific area to study, improve and incorporate into my life.

I hope through this journey my Hero will have his Trophy Wife who, at the end of the day, is prized and treasured, and better equipped to enhance his life on this earth.


  1. Thanks for the comments on my blog, but seriously, you have no idea. To be hovered over for 30 years of your life and have a mom who assumes you cannot live without her help, without seeing her. I'm not looking forward to going. I've been allowed to be independent for the first time in my life, at age 31 finally. And yet she still hovers, still tells me what I should do. I've heard enough of it lately and I'm not looking forward to seeing her tell me everything I'm not doing enough of the right way in my life still.

  2. Perfectly done. Perfectly said. I needed that!

  3. Ahhhh, what a wonderful post for all of us 'not-so-trophy-wives' to read. =0)

    Thank you for reminding me of what the SCRIPTURE says is a GOOD wife.

  4. Ok, I tried to refrain. I couldn't. I have strong opinions disagreeing with your post. I couldn't help it, I wrote a response on my blog. I really hope that you don't take offense and can see it as a debate that I would be happy to continue over a bottle of wine. :D Love you Rachel!


  5. I hope the sole success of my existence is not defined by my ability to meet someone elses expectations...including my spouse's. That seems like it would be a very large black hole!!!