Monday, July 27, 2009


I have taken time to process this post (Not A Piece of Meat) written by our friend Anja and really think about it in response to my post a few weeks ago. I am sorry that my delay (as opposed to posting an immediate and likely poorly thought out reaction) has been perceived as anger, avoidance, resentment or termination of a friendship.

I know that you, Anja, took some time after my post was written prior your response. I suspect during that time you really thought about what I had to say and how you feel about it. I hope you realize I have done the same in my reaction. I have worked hard as I have matured to keep my mouth shut when I am hurt because I know my own tendency to say hurtful and mean things (which I likely don’t actually mean) when I am feeling vulnerable. I did not want to react this way.

After reading this post I have re-read my own words. I realize how they could be construed as weakness, or finding my value in life dependent on my husband’s perception of me. This was not my intent.

My attempt was to put forth a call to myself for self-improvement and redefinition or the term “Trophy Wife.” The urban dictionary definition is definitely harsh, and I feel that the term should be redefined. I think the term itself is the problem, I really do think all of us want to be valued by our spouse/partner on some level.

Trophies are good things, they cause people to work hard, set goals, strive to improve themselves. This is my intent.

Part of this for me is becoming closer to the image God has called me to be. The whole intent of my blog actually is my growth, a good part of which is in Christ, and I do want to share it, with no intent to hurt or anger anyone.

I find the Proverbs 31 wife remarkable. She does work hard, extremely hard, but I think historically that was part of the time period. Her husband trusted her, and she kept her home well stocked and plentiful. She was kind to her servants, and generous to the poor. She had money of her own, buying a field and planting a vineyard. She is smart and strong and doesn’t carry worry for her and her family’s future. It is also noted that beauty does fade, but she is praised because she fears the Lord.

My husband adores me; I have no doubt of this. I also know he trusts me implicitly, not only in our relationship, but also to fulfill the tasks we have jointly determined I shall be responsible for in our household. My desire is to do these things better, and do more things better in caring for our home, our children, our relationship, and I choose to attempt this in a Biblical fashion. I also submit to my husband in times of conflict, because it is my expectation he is leading my family in the way God would have him lead. I see this not as a weakness, but as the ability to trust another in times of dissension, which is definitely a challenge for a strong personality such as mine.

I hope my message is clearer this time. It has not, nor will it be, my intent to hurt feelings or anger anyone or offend “the entire human race.”

I suspect there are many of underlying feelings which have drawn some of the feedback I have received. The way my own words have drawn my attention to issues very far from the point of the blog have certainly hit their mark, in spite of the hurt they inflicted. For this I am truly sorry. I make every attempt to be open-minded and caring, even though my trust in the Bible may tell me otherwise. It is clear to me now the mutual respect and understanding regarding our different views (in a dear and valued friendship) was sorely lacking on my part. I caused great offense, which was never my objective, and I do wish it had been brought to my attention earlier. I value both Anja and Crystal’s friendship greatly and hope my difficulty in response has not taken our friendship beyond repair.

I respect Anja as a writer, and I appreciate her ability to make me think, as she does so often through her blog and in person. This is very much a free country and I since I was born an American I hold dear the protection of free speech, regardless of how different the perspective is from my own. I will continue to follow her unless I am removed, because I appreciate being stimulated.


  1. Thanks for the clarification Rachel! I think there was a lot of misunderstanding on all parts and I am glad that it is getting cleared up! We can work through this, so long as we both try.

  2. I think that was very well written. I'm sorry you had anything happen in your life due to a BLOG POST that would even cause stress though. *sigh* These are our forums to vent and to speak our inner thoughts to friends, family and yes - total strangers.

    Its hard when there's a misunderstanding. Yikes!

    {cyber hugs to you}

  3. Good for you both! I'm glad to hear it is being worked out!